"ZIGGY"

My great-niece Aron's husband Ziggy is very lucky when he is the third caller on radio contests as he usually wins tickets to concerts.He called and asked, "Aunt Sue, how about a date?" I laughed and he said, "No, I'm serious, I won tickets to a Neil Diamond concert and Aron doesn't want to go." I said that I would love to go with him. Ziggy and I ate dinner and then went to the arena to see the concert. The free seats were in the nosebleed section, and they were aisle seats. We were on time, so it was us, constantly getting up and down to allow the late-comers to pass by us. Most people crawl across other people with their backsides toward the seats. Two rather well-endowed women arrived and as we stood to let them pass, both of the women turned their front sides to us and both brushed their ample bosoms against Ziggy. When they passed, Ziggy let out a sigh of exaggerated pleasure. Ziggy said, "What was that word you told me the other night?" I asked, "Frottage?" He sighed again and said, "Yes, I just experienced the greatest frottage of my life."

Once, during one of my husband's poker games, Ziggy was playing poker with the guys in the dining room while Aron and I were in the kitchen preparing dessert. I told her that I'd learned a new word that day: "macerate". The next day Aron called me and told me that I wouldn't believe what Ziggy had thought I had said for "macerate". When Aron told him that we'd been talking about strawberries, Ziggy said, "Aunt Sue doesn't do that with strawberries, does she?" Aron said that she told him, "She said she macerated the strawberries!" The next time we were together, Ziggy said, "Tell me some other word that sounds sexy like macerate." We were sitting at the dining room table and I pointed at the candleholder and I said, in my attempt of a sultry voice, "bobeche". Ziggy caressed the word with his voice as he repeated "bobeche", elongating the syllables. Each time we're together Ziggy asks for a new word that sounds sexy, but isn't. One time Ziggy was asking for a new word and I told him about "frottage" but I said that the third definition did have a sexual connotation. Ziggy said, "OOOH, a sexy sounding word that is sexy, but most people won't know it--that's the best!"

Poor Ziggy, there he was at the concert, surrounded by middle-aged women, singing along with Neil Diamond. Neil was doing a good job as he sang some old ones ("and then I wrote,,,,,,") and he sang some new ones and he told us about "Sweet Caroline" being named for Caroline Kennedy when she was a little girl in the White House. As he was singing the song Ziggy leaned over and said, "Aunt Sue, that's kinda perverted, don't you think?" I did a spit-take with my drink and sprayed it on Ziggy.

As we were getting ready to leave, I noticed a woman several rows down waving towards us and I asked Ziggy, "Do you know her?" Ziggy said, "I thought she was waving at you." When we waved back, she waved again, obviously thinking she knew one of us. When I went to my water aerobics class the following Monday, one of my classmates said, "Who was that young guy you were with at the Neil Diamond concert?"